My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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