Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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