my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
