I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
