and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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