girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
