I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
