My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
