If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
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I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
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You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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