I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
