so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
