My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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