Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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