You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
