I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
