okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Randomize
