Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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