I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
