Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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