i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
