I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Blood and glitter go together right?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
