i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
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