I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
