All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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