my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize