She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
