Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
