i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
