ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
