just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
