Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
