I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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