is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
