We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
