I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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