Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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