so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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