i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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