new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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