He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
