dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
