Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
