Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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