Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Randomize
