My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Someone came in the potted fern
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
