Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
