he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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