I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
