Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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