I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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