Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
