what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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