Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
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But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
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You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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