OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
