mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
