in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
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