i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
