We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
