and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
