I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Be still, my beating vagina.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
