if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
