I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
