Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I touched a dick in church today
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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